I sometimes wonder if we ever grow up - i think our feelings and reactions inside us are still very childlike and momentary. We have just trained our minds to process that reaction - churn it through so many times that little of its originality remains. We then shape it into acceptable moulds according to our TG (sorry the marketeer within me does not allow me to use any other term) - their limits of handling enthusiasm, excitement, immaturity and ingenuity.
But this morbid processing is not what this post is about at all. This is actually about still feeling the butterflies in my stomach before doing something new. Its about the feeling of sheer joy with every new experience and the wonder in my eyes with new discoveries........and sometimes that feeling overpowers everything else that I may be feeling.....
Very recently I experienced something that - lets put it this way - i have been obsessing about for almost 6 years.......and needless to say i was bursting with energy (for all of you who know me - think of it as around 10 times more than my usual self) so much so that i really wanted to find an open field and just scream my guts out.........it was oozing out of every single pore in my body and surprisingly in the most positive manner - not in the usual restless impatient manifestation that i am most used to.
And this day truly built my lost confidence in innocence and naivety For a long time i have been brooding over how the 'big bad zaaalim zamaana' has taken away our innocence. How our beings are laden with social expectations.........our 'swachchand' (cant find a suitable english word for this) thoughts are layered with social acceptance and most importantly instead of becoming more articulate about "what i am feeling" we are becoming more and more reserved about them.......
But when i clapped like a little child with all the zest and wonder in my eyes about what i just did i was reminded of my first school picnic and with how much excitement i told every little detail to my mom including the tearing of the chips packet and half of it falling on the ground. And i heaved a big sigh of relief - all is after all not lost to the duniyadaari and political correctness of the world. We can still be children inside and feel that joy albeit in a few snatched away moments - but then even those act like a caffeine shot - waking u up and making you run with a new rigour........
